How Can Such Simple Things Be So Difficult?

7/29/2014

Why does it seem that simple things, like sitting down to meditate or living in the moment (the only place in time we ever really are!) can feel so difficult? We ask ourselves, "isn't the goal of meditation to get in the flow and flow freely? And isn't it true that once in the flow things are easier, or at least feel easier? So why cannot I get this simple thing, like being present, like meditating and being in the flow, right?"

Anything New Takes Practice

Learning to do a so-called simple thing can be experienced as difficult as learning a so-called complex thing (such as solving a differential equation or cooking a new recipe) because in both cases, they are NEW. And it's the newness, the "not having tried before" that can make something feel hard. The difficulty is not always a function of how seemingly complex something is and/or the number of steps to finish it.

It's more like the "foreignness", the lack of a particular muscle and formed habit, that makes it hard - at least in the beginning. So as math or cooking can get easier with practice, something "simple" like meditation can become easier.

Being in the Flow is Where Easiness Resides

Meditation, simply said, is a centuries old, tried-and-true way to get more in the present and in the "flow." And since meditation can be hard at first, so can getting in the flow. But with the practice of meditation (and other relaxation and self-help techniques) getting in the flow has no choice but to become easier.

And once in the flow!! Well, life will indeed feel easier simply because an intrinsic part of "being in the flow" is the lack of resistance. Resistance is a big contributor to why simple things can feel hard (related to the new-ness factor). Resistance is a signal of fear. And it's very natural to feel some fear when trying something new, when you are not sure of whether you can do it. The good news is that with practice, you WILL get better at anything you set your mind to - and getting better IS success!

A message from Gentle Blue:
Go with the heart's flow
and you know before long
it will carry you gently
like a harmonious song,
sung from chords
from beyond the beyond -
chords of the heart
that know where you belong.

As getting in the flow becomes easier, there will still be challenges. There will always be new things to learn, which will feel difficult at first. Sometimes the new things will cause resistance in the flow, and you may feel like you got knocked out of the flow. However, you are never really out of the flow, you are just resisting it - kinda like encountering a rock in the river and not knowing how to get around it. With patience and practice though, just like we apply to meditation, we can learn to dissolve the obstacle in some way.

You Can Learn to Find Ease More Quickly

So, YES things that are hard now get easier. And since we are always growing there will be new challenges that seem just as hard at first. But remember you will have stronger muscles now in the area of "getting in the flow" and this challenge is to learn how to do it even better. Perhaps the one thing that always increases in ease is remembering that it CAN become easier with practice.

I Still Don't Understand Why Being Present is So Hard

So the question still remains, why is it so hard to get into the moment? Why do we need meditation to get there in the first place? After all, at least physically, we live in the now, whether we want to or not. Animals live in the moment. Why don't us humans?

As babies, as you know, we are very very present - highly tuned to our every need, the sounds around us, tastes, touches. Everything is NEW too, and newness in this sense of novelty - like visiting a city for the first time - is definitely something that brings even the most jaded adults into a more present state of more joy.

So is it inevitable that as we grow up, and the novelty of things wears off, we leave the present because we are bored? That's one way of looking it.

But also as we grow up, we experience things that are not comfortable, and I believe it's these things that first trigger our impulse to leave the present moment. If managed property with guidance at an early age, you can learn to face painful things head on, let go, and move on to the next moment, fully present and whole.

But if you grow in an environment where you are inundated with modeling or messages that you are not worthy, then it's understandable why you would continue to leave the present and abandon your self. Living, mentally and emotionally outside the present moment, and essentially abandoning our needs in the now, is LEARNED and modeled for us by the people around us, who having gone through their own traumas developed ways of abandoning their selves to avoid discomfort and pain.

Remember this book?

The irony of course is that it is the process of "avoiding" that actually causes the pain: the pain of self-abandonment. And as always, one of the best cures to changing this pattern is self-love, using meditation as a tool. There is no deep dark monster hiding in there that will jump out if you quiet your mind and sink into the present. The only "monster" there is is the voice that tells you you are not worthy, and which pulls you away from the moment.

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Squishy Speaks

is an expression of my Inner Child, reminding me to have fun and make room for play, while teaching me lessons I did not integrate from Kindergarten about the imagination and believing in myself.