You know how people sometimes say, "the best you can do is be you!" Well, I really think this is true. And that when you focus your attention on you and who you are, a lot of the stressful things we worry about fall away, including worrying about being "the best" at something. Because you already are the best at being you. And YOU really are unique. Even twins with "identical" DNA have different lives. No one has the experiences that you have, or the painful growing lessons (which often turn into our gifts!) that teach you throughout life.
Learn From Others AND Learn to Consult Yourself
As you probably know, I am big supporter of learning from others. Remember in Reflections of a Blueberry when Pepe told me that "anything you see at all could be your friend or teacher"? Well, it seems you can learn from anything - even a dog or a flower! We also sometimes learn from other's mistakes and sometimes from their successes.
One thing I noticed is that when someone is often doing things I like, and they seem to be happy, they become a "role model." Role models are great! The teacher-student dynamic can occur through out one's entire life in different ways - sometimes you are the teacher too! But there needs to be a balance. You must know that only YOU know what is best for YOU. And this becomes easier as you learn to better hear your own voice.
For example, my friend always takes naps in the afternoon. I liked the way she takes care of herself and her needs, and therefore has more to give others, so I wanted to learn from her. In the beginning I would try out the things she does, say taking naps in the afternoon. What I sometimes forgot to think about is "is this working for me?" Sometimes I would even consult her on what she thought was right for me. And while she may know me better than many, she couldn't possibly know my intricate needs, at least not in the way I can know them. After all, I'm living in my body, not someone else! Maybe I need naps in the evening, or in the morning. Or maybe just every-other day. You gotta check in with your self, on a regular basis, to fine tune the lessons you learn from others and avoid getting stuck for too long in a pattern that isn't helping you.
One thing I noticed is that when someone is often doing things I like, and they seem to be happy, they become a "role model." Role models are great! The teacher-student dynamic can occur through out one's entire life in different ways - sometimes you are the teacher too! But there needs to be a balance. You must know that only YOU know what is best for YOU. And this becomes easier as you learn to better hear your own voice.
For example, my friend always takes naps in the afternoon. I liked the way she takes care of herself and her needs, and therefore has more to give others, so I wanted to learn from her. In the beginning I would try out the things she does, say taking naps in the afternoon. What I sometimes forgot to think about is "is this working for me?" Sometimes I would even consult her on what she thought was right for me. And while she may know me better than many, she couldn't possibly know my intricate needs, at least not in the way I can know them. After all, I'm living in my body, not someone else! Maybe I need naps in the evening, or in the morning. Or maybe just every-other day. You gotta check in with your self, on a regular basis, to fine tune the lessons you learn from others and avoid getting stuck for too long in a pattern that isn't helping you.
You are the Expert on You
So while you can learn so much from others, like those who know about things you don't, keep in mind that YOU are authority on the details of you and your needs. Remember that YOU are the expert on YOU. Not to mention that the amount of effort it takes to "try" to be like someone else is much more tiring than just "being" you - being the best version of YOU that you can imagine at the moment.
Keep in mind that it takes time to hear your self and your own heart's desires, so remember to be patient like my turtle friend Norba the Great!
Keep in mind that it takes time to hear your self and your own heart's desires, so remember to be patient like my turtle friend Norba the Great!
It Takes the "Try" out of "Trying"
A fun way to think about being you, versus trying to be like someone else, is that it's SO MUCH EASIER. You don't have to "try" to be you. You just are. Does a rose try to be like a violet? Or a horse like an elephant? No. Does the rose need help to grow, from the sun and rain and wind? Yes! Just like we need input (food, knowledge, fun) from the outside world to grow. Is the process for a rose to grow complex? Yes! Even parts of the rose bush must fall away for the rose to fully blossom. Something that can be painful for humans to imagine - letting something die for something new to be born - seems to be more effortless in nature, like when we see flowers bloom. But who knows exactly how a rose feels, right? Except for the rose.
So cheer up and stop worrying about where you are in life. You are already the best at something - being YOU. And the best thing you can do for the world is to keep making a better and better version of YOU by continuing to learn and grow and see where your interests and passions take you.
Imagine that! Exercise
What unique flower(s) do you turn into as you grow? Try drawing a picture of a flower you like, you can start with something simple. And then add to it other things that you like - colors, shapes, etc. Be creative! There's no right or wrong. You can start with a rock if you want (I did this one time!), or an animal. It's a fun process and good practice!
I've shared this picture before in a Happy Song and Dance. It's one that Nilbert took of me "sweeping aside all doubt and fear" and inspired the poem he wrote, "Ode to a Blueberry,"
See how the stone is turning into flowers and other things? Let your imagination flow!
See how the stone is turning into flowers and other things? Let your imagination flow!
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