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Sir Pepe McD'inkleberg Nodriguez
Sir Pepe McD'inkleberg Nodriguez
Remember when I wrote about what I think "there is no try and only doing" means? And remember when I said one way of using the word makes more sense than the others: when it means to experiment or to do for the first time like, "I am going to try one of these fresh picked strawberries." In fact you are trying things all the time, like a new meal someone cooked for you, each flower you see or pick is different than the one before, so it's new.
It's the try that implies success or failure that doesn't make sense to me. Because every step forward is a learning experience, fun or not so fun, and is a success by the fact that it's a step in your growing. Now, if you don't do anything at all. Well, sometimes nothing is the best thing to do (and I'll write more about that later). But if you WANT to do something but don't make any effort because you are afraid you might fail….well, even though there's no failure either, I would say the closest you can get to failure is not to try at all when it is something that you want!
It's the try that implies success or failure that doesn't make sense to me. Because every step forward is a learning experience, fun or not so fun, and is a success by the fact that it's a step in your growing. Now, if you don't do anything at all. Well, sometimes nothing is the best thing to do (and I'll write more about that later). But if you WANT to do something but don't make any effort because you are afraid you might fail….well, even though there's no failure either, I would say the closest you can get to failure is not to try at all when it is something that you want!
All failure is imaginary
It is the fear of this imaginary idea of "failure" that keeps us from doing things we want to do! And we should do the things we are curious about, try out something we think we will enjoy, or even do something that's not super fun (e.g. take out the trash) but which you know will feel good after (ahh… the kitchen smells good). Doing and trying is what helps us grow and learn and build self esteem.
Self esteem is important for many reasons. An important one here is that it gives us extra boosts of energy when we are trying something new later on, especially something that seems hard. When we try the new hard thing, we remember that it feels good to try new things and do things that reach a desired goal. (Of course, all within reason! I don't mean to try every single impulse if it's like really dangerous, like jumping off the roof without a big bouncy safety net - please do not do that! ;o)
Self esteem is important for many reasons. An important one here is that it gives us extra boosts of energy when we are trying something new later on, especially something that seems hard. When we try the new hard thing, we remember that it feels good to try new things and do things that reach a desired goal. (Of course, all within reason! I don't mean to try every single impulse if it's like really dangerous, like jumping off the roof without a big bouncy safety net - please do not do that! ;o)
Here, Squishy Blueberry is trying out climbing for the first time. Note that all the ground is covered in fluffy green waves of pillowy materials. If he falls there is a soft landing.
Sometimes the word "succeed" makes sense
A lot of times people use the word succeed when they are describing finishing something, or reaching a goal. That makes sense. "I succeeded in reaching my goal to save $1,000." But what if you didn't save that much even though you thought you wanted to. Well, at some point you must have decided you didn't want it that much - maybe you found a wonderful bicycle to spend $500 on. Well, that was a choice, and you succeeded in learning that having the bike now is bringing you more happiness than reaching the $1,000 goal you set, at least right now. You can always change the goal if something different strikes your fancy. But don't give up just because you think you might fail.
So the next time you hear someone say, "If at first you don't succeed, try try again," know that what it means is that if you want something and you are working towards getting it, keep trying new things until you get there. If something works, keep on doing it. If something doesn't, try something else. Important to note that sometimes, when you get there it's not what you thought it would be, or that you don't want it after all. That's OK too. Now you know you won't do that again (at least not on purpose). That's success too because you learned and grew. Nothing that happens doesn't succeed to happen.
What I find helps with "being let down" about a goal is to stay open to how achieving the goal may appear, and don't make your happiness depend on reaching the goal. A big part of happiness is in trying the new things to reach a goal. Because you may decide half way towards a goal that it's not really something you are interested in anymore and then change direction, choose a new goal. That is a success because you learned about yourself and know more clearly what you want, what your next goal is.
So yes, try try again. Do it because you know it helps your self esteem. But there is no failure. Every effort is a success because it's part of learning and growing!
What I find helps with "being let down" about a goal is to stay open to how achieving the goal may appear, and don't make your happiness depend on reaching the goal. A big part of happiness is in trying the new things to reach a goal. Because you may decide half way towards a goal that it's not really something you are interested in anymore and then change direction, choose a new goal. That is a success because you learned about yourself and know more clearly what you want, what your next goal is.
So yes, try try again. Do it because you know it helps your self esteem. But there is no failure. Every effort is a success because it's part of learning and growing!
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