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How Can Such Simple Things Be So Difficult?

7/29/2014

Why does it seem that simple things, like sitting down to meditate or living in the moment (the only place in time we ever really are!) can feel so difficult? We ask ourselves, "isn't the goal of meditation to get in the flow and flow freely? And isn't it true that once in the flow things are easier, or at least feel easier? So why cannot I get this simple thing, like being present, like meditating and being in the flow, right?"

Anything New Takes Practice

Learning to do a so-called simple thing can be experienced as difficult as learning a so-called complex thing (such as solving a differential equation or cooking a new recipe) because in both cases, they are NEW. And it's the newness, the "not having tried before" that can make something feel hard. The difficulty is not always a function of how seemingly complex something is and/or the number of steps to finish it.

It's more like the "foreignness", the lack of a particular muscle and formed habit, that makes it hard - at least in the beginning. So as math or cooking can get easier with practice, something "simple" like meditation can become easier.

Being in the Flow is Where Easiness Resides

Meditation, simply said, is a centuries old, tried-and-true way to get more in the present and in the "flow." And since meditation can be hard at first, so can getting in the flow. But with the practice of meditation (and other relaxation and self-help techniques) getting in the flow has no choice but to become easier.

And once in the flow!! Well, life will indeed feel easier simply because an intrinsic part of "being in the flow" is the lack of resistance. Resistance is a big contributor to why simple things can feel hard (related to the new-ness factor). Resistance is a signal of fear. And it's very natural to feel some fear when trying something new, when you are not sure of whether you can do it. The good news is that with practice, you WILL get better at anything you set your mind to - and getting better IS success!

A message from Gentle Blue:
Go with the heart's flow
and you know before long
it will carry you gently
like a harmonious song,
sung from chords
from beyond the beyond -
chords of the heart
that know where you belong.

As getting in the flow becomes easier, there will still be challenges. There will always be new things to learn, which will feel difficult at first. Sometimes the new things will cause resistance in the flow, and you may feel like you got knocked out of the flow. However, you are never really out of the flow, you are just resisting it - kinda like encountering a rock in the river and not knowing how to get around it. With patience and practice though, just like we apply to meditation, we can learn to dissolve the obstacle in some way.

You Can Learn to Find Ease More Quickly

So, YES things that are hard now get easier. And since we are always growing there will be new challenges that seem just as hard at first. But remember you will have stronger muscles now in the area of "getting in the flow" and this challenge is to learn how to do it even better. Perhaps the one thing that always increases in ease is remembering that it CAN become easier with practice.

I Still Don't Understand Why Being Present is So Hard

So the question still remains, why is it so hard to get into the moment? Why do we need meditation to get there in the first place? After all, at least physically, we live in the now, whether we want to or not. Animals live in the moment. Why don't us humans?

As babies, as you know, we are very very present - highly tuned to our every need, the sounds around us, tastes, touches. Everything is NEW too, and newness in this sense of novelty - like visiting a city for the first time - is definitely something that brings even the most jaded adults into a more present state of more joy.

So is it inevitable that as we grow up, and the novelty of things wears off, we leave the present because we are bored? That's one way of looking it.

But also as we grow up, we experience things that are not comfortable, and I believe it's these things that first trigger our impulse to leave the present moment. If managed property with guidance at an early age, you can learn to face painful things head on, let go, and move on to the next moment, fully present and whole.

But if you grow in an environment where you are inundated with modeling or messages that you are not worthy, then it's understandable why you would continue to leave the present and abandon your self. Living, mentally and emotionally outside the present moment, and essentially abandoning our needs in the now, is LEARNED and modeled for us by the people around us, who having gone through their own traumas developed ways of abandoning their selves to avoid discomfort and pain.

Remember this book?

The irony of course is that it is the process of "avoiding" that actually causes the pain: the pain of self-abandonment. And as always, one of the best cures to changing this pattern is self-love, using meditation as a tool. There is no deep dark monster hiding in there that will jump out if you quiet your mind and sink into the present. The only "monster" there is is the voice that tells you you are not worthy, and which pulls you away from the moment.

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A Fledgling's Lessons Learned

7/18/2014

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Guest Blogger: Author, Amanda I. Greene

We have reached the end of week 1 of the When You Are Blue Kickstarter campaign for the second Squishy Blueberry book. It has been filled with great lessons, humbling experiences and oodles of tears. The sequence of emotions, in pictures, goes something like this:

~ Fledgling determined to Fly ~ (via IG @planetepics)

~ Fledgling attempting to fly ~ (via Peter Brannon)

Fledgling frustrated after 1st try (via Twitter @timbudgen)

I am now in the "fledgling picking itself up and trying again" phase, and once I find the perfect owl picture to express that I will share it here. Perhaps it is simply a repeat of the "fledgling determine to fly" picture above :o)

Lesson 1: A Non-Squishy Strategy

As with everything, nothing is right all the time, including being Squishy. To me, the actual adjective "squishy" metaphorically is a state of amorphousness, clay not yet molded, but full of potential. That is a big part of where Squishy Blueberry resides in my mind. The imagination where everything is possible. Which is awesome for the creative process.

But to come into reality, actual things have to be done, actions to be taken, that are focused on specifics. It's similar to when a quantum wave becomes a particle. As a wave, it is a bunch of probabilities; it is not until it is focused into reality that it has actual (albeit temporary) "fixed" observable attributes.

Source Unknown

Now, I'm not totally detached from reality thinking I could imagine a business into existence. I love concrete tasks and results - when I know what they are for. In school and jobs they've come with specific goals, and I love the process of making things happen and meeting deadlines, etc. The problem is that in my own business the goals and tasks are not so clear to me.

Some concrete things happen naturally, like the writing of the books that happen by inspiration. The drawings, while not exactly "fun" like writing, serve a really therapeutic purpose and I love the way they translate into digital images for books and animated cartoons. Creating the first book was a pretty obvious concrete step as well. The basics of copyright filing, work-for-hire contracts, proofing and printing (which cannot be squishy things) were also worked through. But other than that, most of the activities so far have been a pretty squishy magical process.

When I started planning the crowd funding campaign, the need for non-squishy functions became clearer. To over-compensate for my lack of non-squishiness, I threw a lot of money at things that I thought would create that structure. Although those things didn't achieve that goal (at least not as quickly as I envisioned), I see now that what I really need to do is to create a non-squishy strategy, a strategy that precedes the hiring of other non-squishy functions, and most likely something I need to do on my own.

Lesson 2: Competition is in the Mind

We have written a lot on the topic of There's No Competition When You Are YOU here at The Blueberry Planet. And I am a firm believer in that. However, there is something more to my choice to not believe in competition that is coming more to light during this experience.

I have always had an aversion to competition since I was a child. Many things I tried when I was younger, which I really enjoyed like gymnastics or was naturally good at such as swimming and playing pool, I would do it so long as it was for fun and competition wasn't on my radar. Once "competition" against others, or a pressure to reach a certain expectation came onto my radar, I would walk away. The decisions at the time were subconscious, but I can see now that the pressure was rooted in a fear of failure, very much linked to self-esteem and worth.

Source unknown

When I started off on my own with Squishy Blueberry adventures, what I loved so much about it was that I could make up my own rules with respect to the products, mission, etc - it was all my imagination. No one could tell me the right way - because the only way was my way. By "my way" I mean in the sense that the stories (product) are reflections of me. And that being ME was my biggest job. That and being honest, staying optimistic and working well with others.

During the Kickstarter project, my unresolved understanding about competition resurfaced. It manifested as a feeling of being a tiny voice amidst millions of other voices trying to be heard by the public, potential customers, investors, donors, etc. There isn't anything specific to feel competitive against (Squishy Blueberry is what it is, after all) except perhaps people's attention, but as I realized this week, even that is just a perception.

Getting it OUT THERE to the public where it can really be viewed on its own merit, is indeed a challenge, even though there's plenty of attention to go around, and there's room for all the stories, great ideas and inventions in the world. It has more to do with confidence, communication and strategy than being the "best" product (there's a lot of products of varying quality!) But it can "feel" like competition for attention because of the perceived lack of attention one is receiving - it "feels" like a finite resource, when really attention is as abundant as air if one can only tap into it within one's sense of self-worth.

Lesson 3: Being You Is Still the Best Thing To Do

I don't have a neat conclusion or solution to this "getting heard" challenge yet (except to create a non-squishy strategy and continue to grow and learn). But what has been of great help to me this week is continuing to read online articles for startups and entrepreneurs. One in particular I found by a former CEO of GE, Jack Welsh, called What it Really Takes to Succeed, really resonated with me and reaffirmed to me that, regardless of all the things one may need to learn for building a business, being you is the best thing you can do.

He states that yes, all those things you hear about like extreme confidence balanced with humility, heaps of positive energy, and being smart, talented, curious and highly collaborative, are all important aspects of success. But, he says, "The most powerful thing you can do is be real [authentic]." And that in time "your humanity will come to be your most appealing virtue..."

"Yes, the modern marketplace does demand that people possess a wide range of skills to achieve success. Most of them you have to acquire, develop, and refine. But one of them - the most important one - is already inside you, ready to be let out. Don’t get in its way." - J. Welsh, former CEO of GE.

Lesson 4: Don't Give Up!

In addition to Being You, the other area of emphasis in the article was resilience: facing failure head on, learning from mistakes (and everyone makes them!) rather than hiding from them, and continuing to persevere after setbacks. An article on Inc.com about the 5 mentalities for raising money echoes this as a key to raising money, saying "Never, ever, ever give up."

So while I am clear now that my take home point from this Kickstarter experience is to create a non-squishy strategy for reaching people, I still believe in the squishiness of Squishy Blueberry!

Photo via IG @KeepCalmOMatic