Guest Blogger:
Butterfly
Butterfly
Robert Fulghum Was Right
Have you read the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten?" No? We didn't either for a long time, but the title itself says so much on its own and has lead to many insights for us over the years.
In fact, the title rings true for us in a hugely significant way here at the Blueberry Planet. All those social skills like sharing, and stories of imagination and dreams that many of us were read and taught about when we were very young, hold far greater truths about how to live a fulfilling life than all of the education we receive in reading, writing, math, history and science combined!
In fact, the title rings true for us in a hugely significant way here at the Blueberry Planet. All those social skills like sharing, and stories of imagination and dreams that many of us were read and taught about when we were very young, hold far greater truths about how to live a fulfilling life than all of the education we receive in reading, writing, math, history and science combined!
We love to learn!
Don't get us wrong. We LOVE learning new things at the Blueberry Planet. And a lot of learning requires the ability to read! Writing, like speaking, is also important because it allows us to communicate thoughts, ideas, questions, and needs to others. Math is needed when we want to describe things in relative terms with a reference point for everyone to understand. History teaches about past successes and mistakes, and helps us understand how we came to be where we are now. And science, one of our favorites subjects, sheds light on the intricacies of nature and the world in fascinating ways.
These are all things that are fun to explore, and wonderful tools. Useful tools. Perhaps in many situations essential tools. But they are not the answer to living a fulfilling life. If you search, you can find much wisdom in the knowledge out there. For example, it was in my theoretical chemistry class that I learned that things are truly not always as they seem. And an objective reality is very difficult to fathom indeed.
This is useful information because it led me to inquire more deeply into the world around me and question things more. This was not only fun and interesting, but also encouraged me to think for myself. But at the heart of the intellectual seeking - wandering off into inquiry after inquiry about how the world works, which I also used as a distraction - was the longing for self-worth.
These are all things that are fun to explore, and wonderful tools. Useful tools. Perhaps in many situations essential tools. But they are not the answer to living a fulfilling life. If you search, you can find much wisdom in the knowledge out there. For example, it was in my theoretical chemistry class that I learned that things are truly not always as they seem. And an objective reality is very difficult to fathom indeed.
This is useful information because it led me to inquire more deeply into the world around me and question things more. This was not only fun and interesting, but also encouraged me to think for myself. But at the heart of the intellectual seeking - wandering off into inquiry after inquiry about how the world works, which I also used as a distraction - was the longing for self-worth.
But It's Not Out There
But self-worth/esteem/confidence isn't out there. It's in here. And it was this misunderstanding, or actually complete lack of understanding, about how to feel good that leads us to seeking it so incessantly with the intellect. There are lots of ways we seek self worth, of course (not just intellectual analysis) such as a promotion at work or the love from someone you admire. And when we don't find a way to feel good about ourselves in those ways, there is a tendency to self-soothe the sensation of "not feeling good enough" through other outside things we are more in control of - such as food, video games, television, medicines. Interestingly, all these outside things, that in moderation are perfectly fine, are the very things that we form addictions to.
The human condition is such that we want to feel good. And feeling good is a feeling we feel inside, and starts with feeling good about ourselves. But how do we feel good about ourselves? A good place to start is to think about what makes a new born baby feel good? BEING THERE, attention, love, kind words, patience, gentle encouragement. These things are also what we here at the Blueberry Planet associate with self-worth.
The human condition is such that we want to feel good. And feeling good is a feeling we feel inside, and starts with feeling good about ourselves. But how do we feel good about ourselves? A good place to start is to think about what makes a new born baby feel good? BEING THERE, attention, love, kind words, patience, gentle encouragement. These things are also what we here at the Blueberry Planet associate with self-worth.
Self Worth 101
Self worth can be a tricky topic to talk about, because everyone has their own definition of what it even means, let alone understanding of how it works, how to develop it and why it varies among people. Here is the way we think about it at the Blueberry Planet.
- Self-worth is about how you feel about yourself, what you feel is possible for yourself, what amount of happiness and joy you feel deserving of.
- Self-worth is reflected in the amount of joy (i.e. "feeling good" emotion) you allow yourself to feel. Imagine that you know for 100% certainly that you are loved, that you are valuable, that you are unique and important. Wouldn't that then lead you to gravitate to things, people and places that you like, that bring further joy to you?
- Self-worth is also reflected in our ability to be present with ourselves, give ourselves attention, listen to our own needs (such as a need to be alone, or to take a nap). With high self-worth, we respond to ourselves in the same way our ears prick up when we see someone we love, admire or think is important.
- Self-worth is a feeling, not an intellectual understudying. However, telling yourself verbally, out loud or silently, that you are a good person, deserving of love and happiness, and whose needs are important, is a way to train yourself to feel self worth inside. Self worth can be tested and improved by keeping promises to yourself, letting yourself try new things so you can grow and expand.
- Self worth is not an objective reality about your value as a human. Because all beings have vast potential and are equally worthy of being alive. Self-worth is a feeling you have about your self - that can change and grow - and has everything to do with your happiness on earth.
- Without self-worth, no amount of education (unless the education is teaching self-worth) will lead to a fulfilling life.
- Most people forget their intrinsic self-worth as a being of nature through a misunderstanding. Usually as a very young child we see and experience things around us that are hurtful and chaotic and take it personally to mean something is wrong with ourselves - when it really doesn't. Which is why re-learning self-worth through positive self-talk, trying new things, and following through on commitments we make to ourselves is very very important. The positive self-talk influences our actions, which further demonstrates to ourself that we are important (like a parent taking care of a baby), which leads to further good self talk, and so on...
What We Should Teach in School
Circling back to the title of this blog post, "What They Don't Teach In School," I should acknowledge that yes, they do "kind of" teach us about self worth in school, but often only in Kindergarten, or in the rare elective class. But even if there was a mandatory class on it in public high schools, would that be enough? We have dozens of math classes to drive home the principles, and therefore it would seem that many many classes on self-worth are required for people to really understand its importance and how it works.
Self-worth and the attributes described above are the foundation upon which life can be lived to the fullest expression. With out self worth, how is someone expected to follow their hearts and dreams? It is self-worth, after all, that inspires rapt attention to one's own self and inner voice, so that we can understand ourselves, our strengths, and talents; and how to make the best use of them to fulfill our dreams in the world.
Self-worth and the attributes described above are the foundation upon which life can be lived to the fullest expression. With out self worth, how is someone expected to follow their hearts and dreams? It is self-worth, after all, that inspires rapt attention to one's own self and inner voice, so that we can understand ourselves, our strengths, and talents; and how to make the best use of them to fulfill our dreams in the world.
A Musing: We Grow Wings When We Are GroWing!
Photo by Peter Brannon It's not just birds that grow wings and learn to fly. Humans do too, we just can't see them. For us, learning to fly is an emotional process of learning to trust ourselves - learning to do something with confidence and ease, without constantly second guessing. This can happen many times and in many different areas in life.
The challenging part of the process is letting go of the fear and just doing it! Yet it is in the process of practicing something new that builds confidence and allows us to grow. And as we grow we learn more about ourselves and our intrinsic worth as one of nature's creations.
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